The Power of a Positive No
William Ury · 2007
"A well-formed 'no' isn't a wall — it's a 'yes-no-yes' sandwich that protects what you actually value while still leaving the relationship and a path forward intact."
One of the co-authors of Getting to Yes wrote a sequel about the word that book never fully addressed: how do you refuse, firmly, without the relationship or the deal collapsing?
Ury's structure is Yes-No-Yes: start with a 'yes' that affirms what you care about and want to protect ('I really value our partnership'), state a clear, non-negotiable 'no' to the specific request, then close with a 'yes' that proposes a positive alternative or path forward. He distinguishes a 'Positive No' from an 'Accommodation No' (a disguised yes that resents itself and damages the relationship anyway) and an 'Attack No' (a no delivered as aggression, which torches the relationship even when the refusal was justified). His core claim is that most people's discomfort with saying no comes from believing it's binary — you either preserve the relationship or you protect your interests — when a properly structured no can do both at once.
What is the 'Yes-No-Yes' structure Ury proposes for a 'Positive No'?
Read more about the topic
The explanation above is written with AI assistance. These are the originals — go to them to check it.
- The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to YesBantam Books
Getting to Yes
"Negotiation goes better when you separate the people from the problem and argue over underlying interests instead of fixed positions."